Nine Years, Side by Side...What a Roller Coaster Ride!

Oh, we ain't got a barrel of money,

Maybe we're ragged and funny,

But we'll travel along,

Singing a song,

Side by

side...

Ray and I were married nine years ago today. In that nine years, we've had a lot more "poorer" moments than "richer," but I do have to say we've also had a lot more "health" than "sickness" too...and for the most part, there has been much more "better" than "worse."

In the past nine years, we've been through...5 of our 7 children graduating from High School, (one had already), several of them attending college, with 1 of them graduating and becoming an RN! Two children serving in the armed forces, (including one doing a tour in Iraq). Four of our kids getting married, (and one eventually getting divorced). We've been blessed with three beautiful grandsons (so far)! Suffered a miscarriage of our own, and a stillborn grandson. Endured open-heart surgery (mine), we lost his mother and my sister in the same year...lost our home to forclosure, moved TWICE in the last 3 years...(while staying in the same town). I would say we've literally been through "thick and thin," but unfortuately, we aren't quite to "thin" yet! We did both lose a lot of weight last year, but I've let a lot of it creep back on. He lost more than I did, and has probably kept more of it off too...the struggle continues...

We've definitely had our ups and downs --in more ways than one over the years, but I know that we will be together for as long as we both shall live...Just as long as we remember that it was God who put us together in the first place, and keep our eyes firmly focused on Him... Then we can get through anything, and... "We'll travel the road, sharing our load...Side by Side!" Happy Anniversary, Honey!

Ten Years Together ~ Our First Date...and Beyond!

A little over 10 years ago, I was divorced and had 3 teenagers...and a two year old. I really thought that one of the reasons my first marriage didn't work out, was because it wasn't God's idea for the two of us to get married in the first place. Well, I don't like being alone, and I figured it might be a little bit difficult to find a husband that would be willing to help me raise my 3 older kids AND a two year old, I definitely wanted to ask God to help. I prayed and asked Him to show me the man that HE had for me. And this is what happened:

I had recently purchased my first very own computer, and had my son Joel hook it all up for me. Since I wanted to find a good Christian man and didn't really want to get into the whole dating thing, (I just wanted to cut to the chase and find the one I was SUPPOSED to be with), I tried searching for "Christian Singles" and came across a website called: "MatchMaker ~ The Christian Connection." That looked like a good place to start. I entered all my statistics, set the settings to go out 100 miles from me and searched for a week or two. I contacted a couple of people that looked interesting, but one had already met someone and the other didn't want anything to do with someone who was divorced. Then one day, I decided to venture out a little farther and changed the setting to 150 miles. After looking for a little while, my daughter, Jessica came in the room and said, "Let me look, I'll find you someone, Mom." After just a few minutes, she said, "Hey Mom, this guy sings!" I said, "Move over and let me see that."

Apparently, he lived 149 miles away from me. I lived in Sauk Rapids, MN and his profile said he lived in Bigfork, MN. He was five years older than me, had been widowed for less than a year, and had 3 kids of his own...a 17 year old girl, a 15 year old boy and an 11 year old girl. My heart went out to those kids, (especially Ruth, who was 11), because they no longer had a mother, and I actually started to cry. The weird thing was that in addition to my 18 year old son and my two year old daughter, I also had a 17 year old girl and a 15 year old boy! Hmmmm...

I contacted him and he wrote back to me. Although he was planning to move to Bigfork at the time, it turned out he actually still lived right here in P-town... only about 30 miles away from me! We exchanged e-mail addresses and a day or two later I found him on YIM. We chatted for a while and then I gave him my phone number and he called me. After two VERY long phone conversations over the next few days we set up our first date. We would go out to dinner on a Friday night--exactly 10 years ago, today. And yes, even though my older sister, Peggy warned me to drive separately, (you can never be too careful about people you meet on the Internet), I felt like I'd known him forever already, and decided to let him pick me up at my apt.

I was very nervous about all this. It had been years since I'd actually dated. What should I wear? What will he be like? How will I know if he's "Mr. Right?" My sister, Patty told me I should "put out a fleece" like Gideon of the bible did. So, as I'm cleaning up my apartment, I look around and see this bright green bracelet on top of my refrigerator that says JESUS LOVES ME. I had gotten it from Molly's grandpa in a box of stuff he'd sent us while I was still with her dad.

So I prayed, "God, if this is the right man for me, let him be wearing a bracelet just like that one." And then immediately thought, "Oops!, I'd better take that back. No grown man is going to be wearing one of those." And then I was thinking of all sorts of other things... like "Let him be wearing the same color shirt as me"... or "If he comes to my door with flowers, I'll know"...but I never really did come up with anything else to "put out there."

Anyway, Ray arrived at my door with a single rose in his hand for me. Little Molly went running to the door with me, and after I answered it and shook his hand, I introduced her to him. She looked up at him with her big brown eyes, (and while curling her little ringlet curls at her neck with her finger), she said, "Hiiii...Raaayy." It was very cute...but a little embarrassing. I have no idea where she got that from and it's the only time she's ever done it (to my knowledge). Jessica was there to babysit Molly, so Ray and I went on our way.

We went to the "China Star" buffet in St. Cloud. We were escorted to a table and sat down. I noticed even before he took his winter jacket off, that the shirt he was wearing and the sweater I had just bought for this date were virtually the same color and style. He took off his jacket...and there it was! This larger-than-life grown man, was actually wearing one of these:

Hmmmm....I was flabbergasted to say the least, but I didn't let on to him at all. I just smiled, looked up and prayed silently, "Okay Lord, whatever you say." I didn't want to scare Ray away after all. We finished our dinner and got our fortune cookies. We opened them...and they were the exact same fortune. Not that I pay any attention to them.. and I don't even remember what they said, but I do recall that they were exactly the same..and took that as yet another sign. We went to karaoke after dinner, and Ray met most of my siblings there. We sat at the table and after a little while he put his arm around me. Everyone said we looked so "comfortable" together. Hmmm...

Ray didn't call me the next day at all, but on Sunday he called and said he was in St. Cloud, and was it okay if he brought his youngest daughter over to meet me! I said sure, and he and Ruth came over. That was that. We've been together ever since. Less than 18 months later, we were husband and wife. My advice? Be careful what you pray for...you just might get it! Just kidding...

While we were dating, little Molly used to tell people this about us, "They love their 'chother." And after 10 years together, we still do. Remember, God IS the ultimate "MatchMaker"...Trust Him!

My Funny Valentine ~ An "Indecent" Proposal

(my 2009 Valentine Roses)

Ray and I first met, via a Christian online dating service in April of 1999. He was a widower with 3 children, aged 17, 15 and 11. I was divorced with 4 children aged 20, 17, 15 and 2 at the time.

By the following February, things were going great with us, and Ray was always hinting about us tying the knot. The day before Valentine's day, he was very STRONGLY hinting about it...so I figured he was going to ask me on that special day of love. I think he may have been planning to, however, his son Dan was 16 by then, and wanted to take his girlfriend out on a date too. The only thing is, the girlfriend's parents required them to have chaperones along. I actually think that's a good idea, but I wasn't really thrilled about being one of them. After all, this was OUR first Valentine's Day together too. We ended up going on a "double date" with a couple of sixteen year olds. We went to a movie called, "Down to You", which didn't have much of a plot, and bored me to tears. I don't know that I was really watching it anyway, mostly I was trying to figure out how we could be alone at some point, so he could propose to me.

After the movie, we went to a Chinese restaurant. I was hoping we would at least sit at separate tables, after all...if we could see them, we were still doing our job as chaperones, right? We all sat together, and had an enjoyable meal...but I was still waiting for him to pop the question. Eventually, we dropped the girlfriend off at her house, and went back to Ray's. I lived about 30 miles away from him at the time, and his daughter Ruth, (who was 12 by then), had been babysitting my Molly (who was now 3 years old), at their house. Little Molly was fast asleep by the time we got home, and I really didn't want to wake her. Besides, I was tired and had to work early the next morning. I decided to stay there and drive the 30 mile trip to work in the morning.

As I tried to go to sleep that night, I got more and more angry that Ray had built me up, with all the hinting...and then let me down by not actually asking. So by morning, (exactly 9 years ago today), I let him have it with both barrels! I told him exactly how I felt...while I was getting myself ready for work. I was in the bathroom, (with the door open), putting on my make-up yelling at him in the next room. After a little while, he came in to the bathroom, stood behind me and said, "So...do you want to marry me...or what?" How romantic. My first inclination was to say no, just because I didn't want to remember this as the way we got engaged. Would you? But then I figured, I'd gotten to know this man over the past 10 months or so and had learned that he could be pretty stubborn at times. So after a moment's hesitation...I said yes. We thought it would be cool to be married in the year 2000, so we planned a wedding for the end of September that year.

Ray later explained to me that he had wanted to get me a ring, and was trying to come up with some elaborate plan...like taking me out to sing karaoke, (which we enjoyed doing together), singing me a love song and then getting down on one knee and proposing. Unfortunately, he didn't have the money for a ring, and with the whole double date thing and all...it just didn't work out. I was really hoping he would at least ask me decently when he got the ring, but I never did get a decent proposal out of him. Oh well.

I can't say that we have a perfect marriage...no one does, but we have figured out that we are perfect for each other...and that's all that counts.

Book Review ~ I DO AGAIN: How We Found a Second Chance at Our Marriage--and You Can Too by Cheryl & Jeff Scruggs

I Do Again, by Cheryl and Jeff Scruggs is a true story. I would recommend it to everyone, because not only is it a very good book, it also proclaims that nothing is impossible with God. And if you just happen to be in a marriage that you think is beyond hope...once you pick up this book and start to read, you will have found your hope. Having gone through divorce myself, I had no trouble relating to what Cheryl was going through when she felt she could "no longer live like this". I think I said those exact words. Another thing that hit home, was the fact that as one person is thinking they can't stay in a loveless marriage, their spouse just may be oblivous to any marital problems at all, and will be totally dumbfounded when the other first mentions the word divorce.

With their professional success and adorable twin daughters,
Jeff and Cheryl Scruggs looked like the perfect couple. But their polished
facade concealed a widening chasm between two people unable to connect on an
intimate, soul-deep level.

After years of frustration, Cheryl’s desire for emotional
fulfillment led to an affair and, finally, divorce. Yet, incredibly, seven years
later, Jeff and Cheryl once again stood at the altar, promising to “love, honor,
and cherish” one another. A new and vibrant love had risen out of the ashes of
this family’s pain.

I Do Again details the fascinating real-life story of a couple
whose relationship seemed shattered beyond all hope until a spiritual awakening
led them to reconsider their definitions of “happily ever after.” A riveting
account of the power of prayer and redemption, this remarkable book offers
renewed hope for even the most troubled marriages—and reveals why the rewards of restoration are well worth the wait.

You can order your copy of I DO AGAIN right now from Amazon.com for just $11.19

Author Bio:
Cheryl and Jeff Scruggs are the founders of Hope Matters Marriage Ministries, and for the past several years they have shared their incredible story of a marriage restored with audiences across the nation. Jeff is an account manager with OshKosh B’Gosh, and Cheryl has served as director of the Frisco, Texas, office of the Center for Christian Counseling. They live in Dallas, Texas with their two college-age daughters.

Eight Years Ago Today

On Sunday, our pastor did a sermon on marriage. He said that second marriages last an average of only 7 years. We were happy to know that we've beat the odds. This is the 2nd marriage for both of us, and we have made it 8 years as of today. Can you believe that Molly, (my cute little flower girl) barely came up to my waist at that time? She's taller than I am now. From left to right: my son Joel, Ray's son Dan, my daughter Jess, me, my dd Molly, Ray, his daughter Sarah, my son Jeremy and his dd Ruth.

We figured we had the perfect wedding party right there, and didn't have to ask anyone else to be in the wedding. The good news? I can actually get into my wedding dress again! Some day I'd like to be able to get into the size I wore the first time I got married, but that's not likely to happen any time soon. Oh well. Happy Anniversary Honey!